Here is the eponymous short story from Simon Rich’s first book:
— All right men, listen up. As you know, we’ve built seven tunnels and we still haven’t found a way through the glass. I can tell you’re discouraged, and I don’t blame you. Tunnel 7 was our most ambitious project to date and you all risked your lives to make it happen. But rest assured, we’ll be out of this hellish wasteland soon enough. I have a plan.
— What is it? What’s the plan?
— An eighth tunnel. Through the sand.
— I don’t know, sir… we’ve been digging tunnels ever since we got here. We always end up hitting glass. We lost ten men on the last tunnel: Brian, Jack, Lawrence —
— I know their names.
— Why don’t we just give up? I mean seriously, what’s the point?
— The point? The point is we have no food or water. The point is we’re trapped in this crazy desert, and if we don’t find an exit soon we’re going to suffocate.
— What kind of God would put us here, just to torture us? Sand to the left… sand to the right…
— It’s a test, William. He’s testing us.
— You’re right. We can do this. We just have to work ten times harder than we’ve ever worked before! (Starts digging.)
— You want to know something? I’ve got a good feeling about this one. A really good feeling.
He’s so amazing. For those who missed the similar parody I first posted on this blog on the trials of a classroom hamster, here it is.