It’s so easy to leave me

it’s a strange position to be in when you remember what other people tell you more than they remember telling you. many times i have been asked “how did you know that?” and “you mean i already told you that?” and generally made to feel like a complete stalker.

where to go from here? Do I just pretend not to know? I didn’t think it was a unique skill until I met all these other people with terrible memories in recent years. Everytime I say something that references any gobbet from our past 9287375 conversations in any specificity they look at me in alarm as if I’ve hired a private investigator to check out their lives.

Is it scary? That I know that your brother is one of the top writers for zaobao, has a girlfriend but not yet a career, and whose bedroom previously afforded a view of upper seletar reservoir but no longer does because of the erection of a new condominium right beside the Sports Complex?

Perhaps I have the upper hand, because I can hear and understand you all and your accent easily, but you do not understand me easily at all. Plus my voice is soft, so half the time you probably don’t even hear what I say, much less comprehend or remember it.

It’s really puzzling how little people remember. It seems reflective of how much exactly they invest in these relationships. Not that I am investing a lot in my work relationships, it just so happens I have a kaypoh. inquisitive mind that remembers these details easily. But how can one so quickly forget? What you said to me yesterday or last week even does not even register on your memory. Is it that you are speaking without thinking?

I remember everything you say to compose you as a person. To understand exactly what your thoughts and values are. Every little thing you say tells me oceans about your character. Whether you are worth keeping as a friend, or whether I will respect you.

You remember nothing of what you say, what I say, and I say very little. How enigmatic I must be to you.

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