Why you’re not married

This isn’t exactly a pertinent question for my age group, but when I looked through the article, I could actually mentally pigeonhole some of my friends into her categories.

I think Singaporean women are a little more repressed, so I don’t actually know any sluts or liars, who want to keep relationships non-committal so as not to scare guys away. Most relationships my friends are in (if not all) are for the long haul and not flings. I do know people in the other four categories, but those who are “shallow” according to her, have mostly found boyfriends. I don’t think many of my friends really care about how tall or handsome a guy is; when we were teenagers we did construct the THIRD criteria – that any guy we date must be tall, handsome, intelligent, rich, and dark. I think liangze is tall, handsome and intelligent. that’s about it, sadly. But i’m not too bothered. can’t really remember why i wanted to go out with him but i don’t think it was for any of those qualities lol. The girls who wanted rich guys did get their rich guys, but then there are plenty of rich people in singapore to choose from.

What bothers me most is the first category, the “bitch”. She defines it loosely as women who are mostly angry, and who criticize other people and other things a lot so as to come off looking intelligent or better than thou. I admit I do that sometimes, but I usually think my criticism is justified, i.e. I don’t snap at people or make nasty snide comments about what they do or what they eat just to feel better about myself cause I already feel plenty good about myself. I do it because their behaviours genuinely irritate me. And I hardly do that because most idiosyncrasies are so ludicrous as to be funny rather than irritating to me.

I have been snapped at or judged by two other girls at cornell who are both single and both usually seem pretty angry to me lol. As Macmillan says, they probably don’t think they are angry, but anger is the vibe they project to the people around them, which surprised me since I always assumed girls would be more aware of the impressions they make and they would see that they are being really bitter and not fun to hang out with and try to hide it. Not these two girls. I think smart christian girls (or worse, christian girls who think they are smart) tend to fall into this category since a lot of them are actually very disciplined which seems to incite them to subconsciously judge a lot of people (mediocre christians like me lol) for not being as principled. They may also be bitter because they spend so much time trying to follow the rules instead of enjoying life/loving themselves, which comes very naturally to hedonists like me (as opposed to diligently studying and obeying God’s statutes, not that the two are mutually exclusive). They don’t judge you explicitly of course, but somehow they don’t watch their tone of voice when they speak or are not articulate/thoughtful enough to be more diplomatic in their speech.

There was this once when liangze and i were eating takeaway from Louie’s Lunch (a van that offers greasy diner food) at cornell opposite risley and one of these girls came by. we made small talk with her and asked if she’d ever had anything from louie’s (it’s quite popular among the freshmen and north campus people- it’s goood) and she said “oh, -I- don’t eat such greasy food” with total loftiness. she wasn’t trying to be lofty i think, but she didn’t even try to hide the fact that she judged what we ate to be Not Good Enough For Her and in that moment we both thought “what a bitch.”

it’s interesting because I always assumed these girls were so crabby (not all the time, just that when they are, it’s without warning and you get hurt), irritable, and self-righteous because they didn’t have a guy/partner to make them happier or more easy going or to lower their insane expectations of humankind. What this article proposes is that they don’t have a partner BECAUSE they are crabby and over-critical. That’s just a self-feeding cycle! I almost feel sorry for them, but not a whole lot because I am so badly behaved they are always judging me or snapping at me. I would also never wish them upon any guy, no matter how much I disliked him. Whoever gets involved with them will be niao-ed beyond an inch of their lives, like rajjo in Pyaar Ka Punchnama (where the following clip is from:)

Number 5 (selfish girls who only think about themselves) is also very common, and I think a lot of my friends do think that the point of getting into a relationship is so that the guy can make them happy, and so that another person’s world will revolve around them as well. This is a very good reminder (to me too):

“You’re just going to need to get rid of the idea that marriage will make you happy. It won’t. Once the initial high wears off, you’ll just be you, except with twice as much laundry. The bottom line is that marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don’t deserve it.”

Only that in my case, I will just be me, except that liangze has twice as much laundry :D

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