I wish I could be a more easy going person. One who takes everything in his stride and doesn’t waver at anything (sort of like zhihao) and maybe has the drive to excel in whatever field he is in (sort of like hanrong). i don’t have the drive to excel in anything at all. looking back i wonder at my teachers writing in my end of year reports that i am a driven individual. were they just fudging my recommendations? was there actually a point in my life when i had drive?

What would it take to reel in some of the latitude in my life? but latitude is the very thing that makes one easy going.

I think in JC, everyone had a sort of drive. Even if their drive was driven by peer pressure from the hoardes of idealistic, ambitious students around them who thought they could conquer the world. I can’t really think of another culture where cornell is a safety school and y’know, everyone applies to top schools assuming they’ll get accepted at at least one, without considering the fact that it’s way harder for asians (particularly singaporeans) to get in because these colleges are either a) not race blind or b) state schools, which means a certain percentage of the class has to comprise of US citizens. Back then, nobody considered things like that. (I think it might be easier in the UK because international school fees are so much more expensive than the local school fees, they need internationals to fund all their renovation and staff raises etc.) Usually the focus of each student (at least the more ambitious ones, which would be all the geps and some) was where they wanted to go and what they wanted to do, instead of all the barriers that stand in the way of their goals. I can’t believe how naive I was then. it’s amazing my life has amounted to anything at all (I guess it hasn’t really).

the boiler in my bathroom is broken. this means that we haven’t had hot water for 3 or more days. I headed to liangze’s house on friday to cook (and bathed there) and bathed there again on sunday (can’t remember why), think it was cause he was sick so i took him home. and when i finally tried bathing in my own apartment on monday there was no hot water. and in this country, it is impossible to bathe without hot water. you would get sick. so my landlord came over yesterday morning to see what the problem was and then he couldn’t fix it and said he’d bring his tools this morning and he didn’t come. I wonder how the other girls are getting to bathe. At one point there were three boys in my three girl apartment including liangze so I think my housemates all have alternative bathrooms.

Even Tiffany in Tanzania gets to bathe. I don’t see why they can’t just install electric heaters like everyone else. is it really that much less energy inefficient than gas? I hardly think so.

Aside: I think if you don’t write letters to anyone you shouldn’t expect any letters from anyone or be allowed to be sad when your mailbox is empty. What would these phantom letter writers reply to? I am perfectly fine with writing to people (even without getting mail from them) but if you expect people to send you mail without sending any out yourself, that’s just entitled. unless you have such a beautiful personality that makes people want to write to you without any inducement, and trust me, you don’t.



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