More and more I begin to find myself writing first to those in need, and later to others for their entertainment. I suppose it’s a straightening-out of my priorities. Sorry to those in singapore, or to those who are blissfully (or not) in relationships; i’ll get to you last! I probably write more to my mother (she finally discovered that the meagre postage to send something physical and to receive something physical from me in return is really negligible. She’s never sent me letters in my three years at cornell just for the heck of it), to this little girl whose parents just got divorced, to friends who are alone in a foreign place starting their masters/jobs, to friends who are lonely, to friends who are going through problems, and finally, to friends who are just bored.
Out of all the Harry Potter characters, I think I identify most with Fred and George Weasley. In having a completely different set of priorities and ideas from the norm, where personal (and others’) entertainment is first and foremost, and everything else is secondary.
This week I’ve had several epiphanies telling me that I am a total and complete bum. i only had two homework sets to finish and I only appeared in school three days out of five. Right now I’m skipping my Conjecture & Proof lecture to sleep in (it was one of my 8 o’ clocks). And the homework sets had 3 and 4 questions respectively and took about \leq 2 hours each. Where does the rest of the time go?? Editing photos, travelling, writing letters, shopping, finding nice places to eat at, exploring, reading harry potter, tickling liangze, doing crosswords… Whereas better men than I are hard at work in their math classes, doing their homework diligently and taking far more courses than I am.
Don’t get me wrong, I am really enjoying my hedonistic lifestyle. But it seems a little too.. much. If enjoyment of life can ever be too much. Like I should be putting more into my brain or something. I should be sitting in more lectures etc. Or at least picking up Hungarian seriously. I guess how I structured my schedule was influenced by math classes at cornell, where there’s no such thing as one problem set every fortnight or one midterm only or problem sets that take less than ten hours.. So I expected a lot more work than this for the number of courses I’m taking. But I guess I was mistaken. O well.
I dreamt of you this morning. I was waiting for a train with him, and I went off wandering and met you in a pub. We talked of old times, and what’s happening in our lives right now; we slipped effortlessly back into the you and me of golden days, and I didn’t want to wake up. And so I shut off my alarm and missed school. For you. But when I drifted back into the depths of slumber to find you; you were gone.
And I say it so flippantly now, because there is no other way to handle something as delicate and heart-wrenching as this but flippancy. Water off your back. Water off your back even when, especially when it’s water off your cheeks.
You know the last drink you bought me was a Pimm’s and lemonade. At The Mitre.
Every time I drink, I drink to you.