Pawns

I just realised, that some people go through all of life not finding someone with whom they share huge mutual respect. Like I have with liangze. First I really respected him. And then I found out he really respected me. And that reciprocity is just so stunning and surprising. That in your bleak, loveless world, someone you esteem greatly actually esteems you!
Or like me and mingsee. I thought she was really smart and interesting and deep and untypical and apparently she felt the same way about me.

but everyone else just mucks through life without such wonderful revelations, that they are worth a lot to somebody worthwhile. They might be worth a lot to a bunch of trivial friends, or people who are more boring than them, but it’s simply not the same. to be esteemed by people who esteem everybody anyway.

It’s one thing to chance upon regular friends who don’t have very much in common with you or don’t have the same depth of feeling or the same sense of humour or the same intelligence. That, i suppose, comprises about 99% of the world’s friendships. It’s common-place. Those friendships are not worthless. They are just not exciting. They provide company, yes, and i suppose a few laughs, or sounding boards for laughs, but not the thrill of being as important to somebody else who you deem better than you.

It’s quite another to find a true kindred spirit. One who complements you perfectly and understands what you want to say before you say it. One who can complete most of your sentences and who doesn’t mistake your exteriors for your interior, not ever. One who knows never to ask superficial questions and who takes impeccable care of your feelings. One who does not judge. One who is clever, and funny, and nice. Not many people are funny. Probably the vast majority of people are NOT funny, no matter how many times they tell you in romantic comedies that “he met this really cute and funny girl”. Even less are the people who are clever. And if you are clever, you are probably not very nice, if one holds to the truisms in Big Bang Theory. It’s so difficult to find such a person! And only over the weekend I realised that some people don’t have such fulfilling relationships. They live without.

What a sad existence that must be! But I suppose people in said circumstances probably would be quite satisfied with their lot, not being gifted/cursed with the imagination or the idealism to demand more of life.

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