My two favourite guys in the whole world are meeting tomorrow! How exciting. May they spend their time fruitfully choosing presents for me and/or waxing lyrical about my better qualities but NOT COMMISERATING ABOUT HAVING ME AS A (GIRL)FRIEND.

Although what is there to get from Oxford really, apart from eatables. Surely they must have famous alum who I must have idolized at one point or another in my adolescence? And their books/artwork/music must be shamelessly hawked in some souvenir shop?

Also, I think someone should write some sort of dating protocol, like Grice’s Maxims of conversation. Universals, if you will, of things that are just not pc in relationships. Michelle’s been telling me recently of wives who file for divorce and leave their husbands -just- because they suck. Didn’t separation use to be overruled by judges if you did not have a valid basis for it?

People who “come to their senses” in the middle of a relationship and conclude that their partner sucks should not be allowed into polite society.

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