Il gattopardo

dopo aver amato tu, sposare un altro sarebbe stato come bere acqua dopo aver gustato un aromatico e delizioso marsala..

we got a meritorious in mcm. it’s pretty much the best we could have done, considering ‘outstanding participant’ is pretty much out of our league, meritorious is second best. i need to be restrained from taking part in things like this. i mean it’s a pretty awesome result, but i think it’s too much work, and i don’t feel like we deserve it given the tosh we submitted. and being the writer is the worst job ever you have to cobble everything together and magick something out of nothing.. which i can do but it’s not exactly something to be proud of is it. 18 pages of words and figures that are meaningless to you is a lot of smoking and even i have limits. the problem is that everytime we take part and hope for the worst because our papers don’t look like they’re worth 2 cents, we end up winning something. and then the ego boost is just enough to make you forget all the labour pains. although in perspective it really means nothing, because no real skill was involved, at least not to me, and not for my part.

oh well.
i wish i could be in steve’s group. they seem to know what they’re doing and can actually feel good about their work after submission, as opposed to my team. don’t get me wrong, i love working with them but we’ve always felt regret and disappointment at the end of our work. and relief that it’s over more than a sense of achievement. i don’t think it’s because we have inflated expectations of ourselves either, i really didn’t think our work is up to standard it’s not one of those things where i claim to have done terribly but my standards for terrible are skewed by the asian grading scale. perhaps americans have -cough- laxer standards or are just more easily pleased with themselves. steve’s team probably deserves it more than we do, at any rate.
***
you are suddenly polite again. i hate it when people are polite to me, people who are not allowed to be polite to me. why? impose on me. importune me. please. i would not be a stranger to you.

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