just before i left for fall semester grace gave me a talk about well, rships. telling me to be careful… since apparently this is the age most people get involved or outvolved. and to especially be careful with non christian guys.. and i was like.. HA! as if that will be a problem. first you’d need someone to fall for me. so i told her she has nothing to worry about. (or maybe that was what she was worried about? hahaha) besides, 1. average christian (sg) guys at cornell are too noob to initiate things. 2. if there were non christian guys who were blind/brave/foolhardy enough to like me i like to think i’d know how to handle it. (what’s there to handle anyway? nothing can happen. more realistically, nothing will happen.) so i just didn’t think about it.

what a complacent schmuck i was T-T

sometimes i think the number of potential rships that have been foiled due to religious differences is God’s way of telling the world we’re overpopulated. a close friend was writing to me about his failed overtures because of this very problem.. (he told the beloved his feelings but she said no to the implied request because of a strict religious policy which she did not previously adhere to! shock and horror!) (btw what is up with “implied request” there is no such thing as an implied request you can’t expect a girl to extrapolate a request from a confession or even an obvious gesture like hand holding.. B&W please. i think you’ll find most girls will tell you the same. 有话讲就敢敢讲, and for goodness sake please do it with style you’re trying to win someone’s heart at least look like you put some thought into it.. fumbling noobitude is only cute up to a very small extent. and contrary to popular belief i think there are some foolproof ways to go about it. at least for math majors haha which really makes me think i’m wasted as a girl sometimes cause i would totally come up with the brilliantest proposals and snag all the math girls. so you all really are without excuse.) i felt really badly for him though. especially since i am one of those sneaky little culprits who has changed her religious policy after growing up.. >< sigh.

there are two phenomena i see a lot of in college especially as compared to normal life in sg.. because college is where people really clarify and start to actualise what they believe in.
1. vegetarianism due to ethics
2. non-christians actually getting rejected because of religious differences. don’t think you’ll see too much of that in secondary school.

re. #2. i don’t think i could take it. how can you live with yourself, knowing that the one person you love is not going to spend eternity with you in heaven? won’t it just rip you apart? well but embarking on such a doomed venture clearly exhibits short-sightedness so of course the parties involved wouldn’t think that far.

that doesn’t stop anything from being any less confusing though. because love isn’t one of those things you can just rationalise. as munroe says, my normal approach is useless here. because NC guys -will- treat you so much better than christian guys; if your identity isn’t firmly founded in Christ alone, and your self-perception isn’t based on God’s election of you into His family, it is so easy to fall….

i am learning not to accept poor substitutes for God’s love.

was reading Adrian Tan’s speech at NTU’s convoc where he says: “And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.”
Likewise, when Christ has already helped you win God’s election… there isn’t anything else that’s really important to win anymore. Not rights, not personal desires, not the love of man, not our poor illusion of love, nothing is as important as having been elected by God into His kingdom.

random things.
1. my hair is getting far too long it is so unruly sometimes i wish i were a guy so i could chop it all off without looking like a cancer patient.
2. i’ve been playing dust in the wind on ms’s guitar which i listened to a while back and thought the riff was easy enough to play by ear but then the tab was available online so i’m just following the tab. something at the end seems awry though. it’s a very eternal perspective song, much in line with what i’ve been yammering on about above.



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