假华人

There were these chinese visitors up the clock tower today. and i don’t mean 华裔, i mean 中国人. which was greatly exciting because i pretended to be able to speak chinese to them.
“你们是中国人吗?”
“对..你从哪里来?”
“新加坡!”
“那我们是邻居吗!你今年几年级?”
“我今年二十岁。”
“不..我问你你今年几年级,上大学多少年了?”
“er.. sophomore 怎么讲?”
“二年级而已啊(i don’t know but 二年级 only means primary 2 to me!apparently you can use it for uni too)你怎么当上了这项工作?”
“(oh no how to say there was a ten week competition in the spring? 麻将有四季,哪一个是’spring’呢?春夏秋冬..是春!)春季(if i don’t know ‘spring’ i better not attempt to say ‘spring semester’ and leave it as 春季) 里有个十个礼拜长的..competition 怎么讲?(yes i know my chinese is très merveilleux merci beaucoup)”
“哦,有个十个礼拜比赛啊..”
“EXACTLY! 比赛!我参加了那个比赛然后当上了一个.. chimesmaster (didn’t dare to say 铃人)”

“这些铃就是用这些线传到楼下的 playing stand..”
“哦这些钢丝啊”
“我就是想说钢丝(what is 钢丝?)。有一次他们把全部的铃带到楼下为了.. tuning 怎么讲?”
“调音”
“对对对。我就是想说 “调音””

不知道我讲得较烂还是写得较烂还是听得较烂。总之通通同样的烂就是了。幸好谢沁慧不知道我有个博克,不然她肯定 disown我不可。不多久我的意大利文会比我的华文更卓著 – 那也不会多难。

there were other massively embarrassing moments and i think i represented singaporean chinese very badly haha. but they didn’t mind much because i took them to the museum and because my chinese was so earnestly bad, they couldn’t tell it was a bad-because-i-couldn’t-be-bothered-to-mug-the-词语手册-bad.
其实我比较喜欢别人跟我讲华语,因为讲英语的人通常只是跟他们的父母家人讲华语,所以讲起来亲密一点,温柔一点,恩爱一点。当你用华语跟我沟通时我实在不知所措,只能淹没在你无限的爱情中。

Like a flower waiting to bloom
Like a lightbulb in a dark room
I’m just sitting here waiting for you
To come home and turn me on..

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