Acts 1:8

I really enjoyed cell group today (I mean I always do, this is just the first time i’m verbalizing it). We played geochallenge for prayer, which was awesome. Joy seng organised today’s prayer, and we were praying for different countries around the world, so he printed out the shapes of all these countries like madagascar and myanmar and algeria and we had to guess which they were. the person who guesses correctly gets to distribute the country to someone else who will pray for that country’s needs, which were printed on the back. i thought it was really creative! and you could tell who were all those too free people who were perpetually on facebook playing geochallenge trying to prove something or another (me) and who had actual important things to do in their lives (a lot of them except benjamin haha). I had to do worship, and if you don’t already know, I hate doing worship. In fact, I hate any sort of public speaking. I don’t like having a large group of people listen to what I say, I don’t often have anything important enough to say that will not be a total waste of their time. I am soft, I mumble, I speak really quickly (more so when I’m nervous or riled), and am just a Very Bad public speaker. mainly because I am shy. But we talked about shyness today too and how it is usually an expression of selfishness or pride, where you are afraid to let yourself come into close contact with another human being, to confront them, their needs, their expectations of you, because you are afraid of your dignity being compromised. and i guess that is true to a certain extent (i delight in my ambiguity, in your face! gp teachers). i mean i never really thought of being shy as a bad thing, more of an unavoidable thing that explained why i am so socially inept and perhaps uninterested in people. i am scared of how they will see me, i am scared of violating the norm, i am scared of sticking out making people take notice of me. like when michael drives us out for lunch, my instinct is to thank him for the ride, but nobody in the car says anything when we get back to the office, and thanking him seems awkward and not-the-norm, so i just keep quiet and pretend to be non-existent. sometimes i wish i weren’t like that, because people don’t understand or accept shyness, especially extroverts. so it comes off as rude, antisocial, abnormal, when in actual fact i am just too scared to say a word and to become someone they will judge/have to get used to. but i guess worship went okay. i just said what i really wanted to say and got out of there haha. Learning from Uncle Stephen was great too, and he had his personal rolodex – his wife! Aunty Priscilla helped him out periodically with his memories and his verses and references and I thought that was really pro. I want to be like that some day.

i was watching a romcom with my bro yesterday and he had to leave halfway and he just asked me what happened in the end! he is really one BIG SAP although he pretends to be all tough on the outside. It was the Prince & Me. Luke Mably!! <3 we were having a cherry tomato fight at dinner when he accidentally squirted me with a tomato when he bit into it. needless to say the uber mature me held my own and squirted him back, to his great astonishment. darlings, i have been squirting cherry tomatoes (inadvertently) since i was eight, (at samantha's house when i got an aunty right in the eye and slunk away inconspicuously) what do you think you can out-squirt me?? it's all about the angle at which you bite the tomato, and if you aim it right, you can get him in the eye. :)


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