The vine

Terence’s parents sent me home after the first session of the young adults retreat today. It was pretty good, i enjoyed the speaker, although I can’t return because I’ve committed tomorrow to someone else. it was interesting talking to his parents in the car – i love talking to adults, and it turns out the adults in my church back in sg are pretty cool too. they told me a bit about aware, while i told them about the ethnicity breakdown of campus crusade. his dad thought i was studying law for some reason.. he’s either confused me with rebecca or with my brother (why am i surrounded by lawyers? it’s like God knows i’m gonna do something criminal). his dad said i was good at languages (more like recalcitrant arguing and refusing to concede any point because of thick-headed stubbornness) which was why he thought i was doing law, and was mighty surprised that i was majoring in mathematics.

i don’t know, i feel those are the exact kind of people i can make friends with, the people who understand me immediately and who i don’t really have to explain lots of things to. the people who might be interesting to talk to, and who are okay with being fallible in front of me. slowly my generation and my parents’ generation have converged, and my friends’ parents seem so much more interesting than my friends. i told them about how everyone knew each other in ithaca and how polite the culture was, and how i got a rude shock today when i was shopping for letter-writing stationery in popular and this bunch of schoolgirls was in my way. i was sorta waiting for a gap to open up so i could slip through because i am too much of a scaredy-cat to say anything to them but this girl’s friends pulled her aside cos they saw that i wanted to pass, and she was annoyed with them and exclaimed “say excuse me lah!” in an irritated fashion. her friends looked at me and gasped, because i still strike fear in the hearts of children :D and they were frightened of me and thought i was going to scold her/report her/call up their school or something (have i really reached that aunty-looking age?!). by the way i disagree with this whole terror tactic with schoolchildren, because i have a phobia of teachers and of being scolded by teachers. if they do scold me i cry for quite a bit because i’m made of pudding inside and can’t take harsh words. i swept past her because it’s simply not worth my time to condescend to feel anything about the likes of her, when i have so many more interesting things to think/feel about. i’m not sure if letting it slide was good for her though, and in hindsight i might have reacted differently. you just don’t snap at your seniors like that. perhaps i am being a prude. but you don’t!

on a side note it’s becky’s birthday today. happy birthday rebecca! i got her a card already and will mail it tomorrow. i have 3 other people to write back to which i have put off for forever.

The message today was a good reminder. I feel like i am one of those sterile branches that are about to be chopped off. what would you do if you were in my position? if i offer to be the pianist for crusade it’s a weekly commitment. it’s not like i have terribly important things to do with my time, it’s just that having that extra time and the option whether or not to go for crusade makes my schedule more liberated. it’s not necessary, of course. also i am still trusting God to provide someone other than me. He knows I can play, and I can serve, but I know that I am not indispensable and there are other people in the community who are capable and should have appreciate the opportunity to respond to God’s calling and to serve in the worship ministry. But I’ve held out for quite long now and nobody seems to be stepping up, which is a bit of a disappointment. still, I will trust in God to provide.

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